Do You Know The Rhimjaubb Prophecy?

I realize many of you out there today are feeling something hollow inside. Specifically a hole in your heart roughly the size of a cheap stone replica of the Maya calendar wheel, you know the kind….the type sold online, along with Native American crud sticks and authentic glass dowsing crystals made in Hong Kong.

Yes, for some of you the passing of Dec. 21, 2012 will mean you have one less innocuous date to spend the hours of your empty lives worrying about, preparing for, watching recycled History Channel documentaries about. Yes, it is truly a great loss for you, the terminally stupid, and those who prey upon your wallet. Or is it?

Hi. I’m Josh Finney, and I am here to help. Did you know the Mayans actually had yet ANOTHER prophecy? One that’s actually true? Yep! It’s true. It’s so true, in fact, that the world’s governments and scientists have been keeping it a secret ever since its discovery in Barstow, back in 1941. It’s called the Cosmic Rhimjaubb Prophecy, and for the safety of you, your family, and your pets, it’s high time you become informed.

How did I come to learn these secret truths? It’s easy. I, Josh Finney, am an author of science fiction. And when it comes to stuff like this, we sci-fi writers have special insight—L. Ron Hubbard, Alan Moore, Terence McKenna, Whitely Strieber, and Joseph Smith…hell, even that hack Dan Brown! We all have the answers to the hard questions like…

-When will the world end?
-What Planet does God live on?
-Why are aliens interested in my anus?
-Did the Vatican suppress the true meaning of the word “Taco-rrific”?
-And much, much more!

For only three installments of $19.95 I can now enlighten you with the secret knowledge that only I, Josh Finney, science fiction author and unlikely prophet, am blessed with knowing. For instance, do you know about…

-The mystery of the dark planet, Bractune?
-The date of first contact with aliens, and why it will spell the end of reality TV?
-Sir Isaac Newton’s “Christ Is Almost Here This Time, Seriously” theorem?
-UFOs are really time machines.
-Aztecs invented basket ball, and the NBA is suppressed the game’s true rules?
-How three easy installments of $19.95 can save your eternal soul?

In short, do you know the truth of the Rhimjaubb Prophecy? No. No, you do not. Pay me. Get informed. Before it is too late. And if you still don’t believe, see my upcoming special on the History Channel, “Rhimjaubb Prophecy: Stupid Never Goes Out Of Style”.

For the sake of all humanity, PLEASE share this with EVERYONE today on Facebook!

About Dr. Josh Finney

Dr. Finney is an author and sometimes artist. His titles include: Titanium Rain, Utopiates, and OBJECTIVE: Terminus. All are currently available at Amazon.com.
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4 Responses to Do You Know The Rhimjaubb Prophecy?

  1. Querida says:

    The Rapture: What Is It?The Rapture is an end times event ( eschatological event) where Jesus Christ retunrs for His Church and believers who are alive and remain shall be caught up together…in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air (I Thessalonians 4:16-17). This is the time of the resurrection, where each Christian receives his or her resurrected body. First to receive their new bodies are those who have died as Christians, and then, those who are alive and remain. Take notice, I am telling you a secret. We shall not all die but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet call. For the trumpet will sound and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall all be changed (I Corinthians 15:51-52). The Rapture: When Will It Happen?The timing of the Rapture sparks a great debate within Christianity. Does it occur before, during, or after the tribulation period? The tribulation is a seven-year period that immediately precedes the return of Christ and the establishment of His millennial kingdom, which lasts for 1,000 years. The first 3 bd years of the tribulation will be a time of peace and cooperation, and the second 3 bd years of the tribulation will be a time of war and catastrophe. At the midpoint of the tribulation, the Antichrist will proclaim himself god and require worship from all people of the world. Many will bow down and worship the Antichrist, including taking his mark of worldwide registration. Some will refuse to worship the Antichrist and receive his mark, and many will be killed for this act of disobedience. The second half of the tribulation is referred to as the Great Tribulation. There will be extraordinary catastrophes all over the world during this period. (For scriptural support, see Revelation 3:10, Matthew 24, Mark 13 and Luke 17). So, the main debate on the Rapture is not what it is, but when it will occur in relation to the tribulation. In summary, the pre-tribulation view is that the rapture will happen before the tribulation period; the mid-tribulation view is that the rapture will occur half-way through the tribulation period; and the post-tribulation view is that the rapture will occur at the end of the tribulation period. The Rapture: Does the Timing Matter for Believers in Jesus Christ?The pre-tribulation rapture is a wonderful hope for believers in Jesus Christ. However, whether we live to see a pre-tribulation, mid-tribulation or post-tribulation rapture, or whether we die prior to any type of rapture at all, the key to eternal salvation is, in all cases, our belief and faith in Jesus Christ alone. Be secure in your relationship with Christ, and nothing else really matters. For I am going away to prepare a place for you. And when I have gone and have prepared a place for you, I will come again and take you to Myself so that where I am, you also will be (John 14:2-3). For with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and the trumpet of God, the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven, and those who died in Christ will rise first. Afterward we, the living who remain, will be cauht up along with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we shall forever be with the Lord (I Thessalonians 4:16-17).

    • admin says:

      Querida,

      For some reason your post makes my balls hurt. Could it be the Spirit of Christ? Spirit of Christ…in my balls?! Survey says YES! For more facinating information regarding the Rapture, Prophesy, and my amazing testicles, send me three installments of $500 US and I will share with you the Sacred Revelation of Saint Nutsack. Blessed be.

  2. Jameena says:

    You need to study the original trloiaatsnns along with different version of the bible in front of you.It’s hard to tell but the thing that you need to look out for is the mark of the beast and when the Antichrist will declare himself god oh and the two witnesses and everyone in the world will know who and what jesus did on earth. Those are the most important things.There will be people that will rise in churches that came from different seeds, ones that landed on rocks, water, etc and will say look christ is there or the truth is here but when jesus comes they will run to him and say they did things in his name but jesus will tell them, who are you, i don’t know who you are . and then they will be casted into fire. It’s scary but you can’t trust any domination of Christianity and much try to discover the truth by actually seeking it.No studies can help you unless you seek the truth not what man puts in front of you. Then you will see through people’s lies that they are covered with and be happy everytime you see the sky.It’s my own belief that people will believe the antichrist is GOD or he will declare himself god because he will probably fund some science experiments that progress to the discovery of living forever or conquering death and proclaim it as a disease and this is really the only way I see humans love a man so much and praise him like god

    • admin says:

      Jameena,

      Thank you for responding. I needed my daily dose of pants crapping insanity. Actually, if you are worried about the Anti-Christ I can help. I know his true identity and why he needs 1000 doll heads to complete his master plan of making daytime TV include death sports like extreme Martha Steward corn holing & napkin rings. If you are interested, I will send you my Palpal contact info. Forward me $1666 and I will tell all.

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